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Health & Fitness

"Forgive them, even if they're not sorry."

Choose forgiveness instead. Forgiving allows you to release the anger, shame, and blame story that is poisoning your health, relationships, and peace of mind.

Take a moment and check in with your reaction to this statement. Does it sound something like, “After what those (expletives) did to me? No way!” Or, “I’ve tried to be the bigger person and forgive, but I’ll never get over what they did to me.” Or, “I just want to forget about what happened and move on already!”

Now ask yourself: Which of these responses truly allows you to release your pain and resentment? Answer: None of the above.

The truth is that resentment, victimhood, and avoidance perpetuate more of the same. Feeling any (or all) of these in response to being wronged is normal; however, holding on to them indefinitely increases your suffering. In fact, holding on to them means that you keep reliving the wrong, perpetually telling yourself the same anger, shame, and blame story. What’s more, the people who wronged you have moved on long ago from what they did to you, whether they’ve apologized or not.

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Read that last sentence again. Your resistance to releasing the pain and resentment is not hurting the people who wronged you. They are long gone, whether physically or emotionally, from the wrongdoing. So who, exactly, is authoring this painful story?

We have little to no control over others hurting us, whether they consciously mean to or not. However, we are completely in charge of allowing the offense to define who we are and how we live with it. Honestly, would you ever choose to be defined by how someone else treated you? Is that how you want The Story of You to read?

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Choose forgiveness instead. Forgiving allows you to release the anger, shame, and blame story that is poisoning your health, relationships, and peace of mind. Consider beginning a regular forgiveness practice. You’ll be amazed how shifting into forgiveness changes your story.

Kathy A. Miller, LCPC is owner and president of Mindfulness Matters PC, a therapeutic counseling practice. She specializes in the creation of peaceful, meaningful, and mindful lives and relationships.

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