Dr. Michael Clatch
The loss of a parent can be difficult for a child at any age. Young children and adolescents appear to be particularly impacted by this loss as new research suggests that children in families that experience the sudden loss of a parent are three times more likely to develop mental health issues, including depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
The loss of a parent brings to light a host of emotions and concerns as children attempt to navigate their lives without the support and love of a person that was once essential to their wellbeing. Although the loss of either parent can bring to the surface a host of emotional issues, the loss of a father in the family can create considerable emotional upheaval for the child.
Fathers are typically viewed as integral to the stability of the family. In traditional homemaker-breadwinner families – in which fathers are primarily responsible for the financial security of the family – loss can create anxiety about finances and the family’s economic future.
This emotional and financial insecurity can create considerable distress for the child. Death of a father can also prompt concern about the health of the surviving mother. Children that viewed their fathers as strong and healthy may develop anxiety about their mother’s well being and her ability to provide and support the family without their father.
For sons that experience the loss of a father, the emotional turmoil that occurs can go much deeper. Young sons may feel as if they did not have the time needed to connect with their father, to learn what they had to teach. Adolescent males may have abandoned their fathers in search of more exciting experiences outside of the home. Failure of fathers and sons to connect can leave a lingering sense of loss. Additionally, concerns about what has been lost as a result of the father’s death may create anxiety for the son as he transitions into adulthood and fatherhood. In short, the loss of a father can have a profound impact on the son: one that spans the entire scope of the child’s lifespan.
For sons with strong relationships with their fathers, death can mean a deep loss that results in the onset of anger and frustration. Sons may become angry because such an important person has been taken from them. They may not understand why someone so special would die and this confusion may culminate in confusion and resentment. The loss may further disenfranchise the son from other family members including siblings and his mother.
Unfortunately, this loss may also bring about changes in mental health including the onset of depression. Thus, a loss such as this in adolescence can have profound implications for the son as he matures. Because the loss of a father can have such a significant impact on the child’s sense of security and wellbeing, surviving mothers must be aware of the potential issues that their children – in particular their sons – may face. Helping children navigate the complexity of grief requires patience and love.
Mothers must recognize that children will grieve in their own way and that the support provided to the child must be responsive to the child’s needs. Focusing on the needs of the child in responding to this tragedy will ensure that the child acquires a sense of security in that his or her emotional needs are being met. Building communication is also necessary so that mothers can evaluate the health of their children and seek professional help if it is needed. Unfortunately, current statistics indicate that four percent of all children in the United States will experience the unexpected loss of a parent before the age of 18. While the loss of a parent can be devastating, the loss of a father can carry with it unique challenges, especially for sons. The loss of a father will have implications that may impact the child across the entire lifespan.
Understanding these challenges and recognizing the vulnerability felt by children in the wake of such a loss will be helpful in identifying needs and providing supports for the child that are both meaningful and purposeful.
Dr. Clatch practices at the Courage to Connect Therapeutic Center, 2400 Ravine Way, Suite 600, Glenview, IL. For more info, call 847-347-5757 or visit couragetoconnecttherapy.com.
